Vessel Of Wrath

16:46

Big day yesterday. Came clean to Mrs. VoW before going to church at the aforementioned PCA church. She had to pry it out of me; apparently my poker face is not everything I thought it was.

She was justifiably upset, but handled it well. Coolly. She's doing the give-me-rope thing. "I gave up on raising our children with shared liberal values a long time ago, so it's not like I'm so disappointed about that. I'm just upset that you lied to me."

Now we get to my favorite part of the cycle: I will attempt to be a real live full-blooded Christian for as long as it lasts, all the while fighting a sense of... wait for it... GUILT. GUILT? GUILT?! Of all the stuff that's supposed to come with the "repent and come to Jesus" package, I thought guilt was the ONE thing we got to see the back of?! "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," right?

Am I doing this wrong? Well of course I would be, but it's God supposed to be doing it. So is He not really doing it?

Am I (once again) ruining everything for a mirage?

Lord Jesus strengthen my faith. Don't let me be a jerk, and don't let me backslide, and don't let all this be for nothing. Bring us home, really home.